According to the late psychologist John Alan Lee, there are six broad styles of love: eros, mania, storge, agape, ludus, and pragma.
The first of these styles is eros. It is closely tied in with images of romantic love that is like the fairytale-type love. Physical beauty is important to this love style. Attraction is intense and immediate and the Eros lover feels an urgent drive to deepen the relationship emotionally and physically. The trait of this style is a passionate emotional intensity, a strong physical magnetism as if the two partners were literally being pulled together and a sense of inevitability about the relationship. A related at this point frantic style of love is called mania style of love. It involves an obsessive, compulsive attitude toward one’s partner. A related yet more, jealousy can be an occur for these individuals. Vast swings in mood from ecstasy to misery, dependent on the level of attention a person is receiving from his or her partner are typical of manic love.
Two styles were much more subdued, however, storge is a quiet, companionate type of loving that tend to be stable and committed in their relationships. They value friendship, psychological closeness and trust. For these people, love relationships can sometimes grow out of friendships, so that love sneaks up on the pair. Relationships built in a platonic affection and caring are archetypal of storge, when care is extended to a sacrificial level of doting. This love style is enduring, and these individuals are in it for the long haul, however, it becomes another style — agape. An agapic partner will love you just as you are and he or she will turns into a caretaker, exalting the welfare of the other above his/her own needs in an agape relastionship. This is generally a selfless and unconditional love. In any case, they will likewise be particularly appreciative of acts of care and generosity that they receive back from their partner.
The last two styles of love seem to lack aspects of emotion and reciprocity altogether. People with a ludus style see love as a game that they are playing to win or experience a diverse set of partners over time. Mutually gratifying results seeing someone are not viewed as fundamental, deception of a partner, and lack of disclosure about one’s activities are also typical. Those people are more focused on the short term, they tend to place greater importance on the physical characteristics of their mate than do the other love styles. In other words it is called friends with benefits.
The final love style is pragma. Pragmatists downplayed emotive aspects of relationships but favoured practical, sensible connections. Arranged marriages are a great example of pragma. In this love style the couple decide to make the relationship work based on what they want. However, anyone who seeks an ideal partner with a list of necessary attributes, such as, high salary, same religion, etc. Pragma lovers might wonder if their prospective partner would be accepted by family or whether they’re good with money.
Relationships don’t always need to be perfect, but it is important that you and your partner feel the same way about one another and are both willing to do what it takes to make things work. Honesty, trust, respect, and most of all, genuine and heartfelt love between the two of you is mandatory in any relationship. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time.
