𝕻𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊
If you stumble upon this blog, try closing the door, put your phone on silent mode to avoid interruption. Pour a cup of hot coffee/tea, inhale, smell the aroma, exhale, then drink it. Try to feel relaxed and start reading from Chapter one.
This is the other half of the story ‘The Boy Who Didn’t Know He Was Still In Love’.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕺𝖓𝖊: After
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕿𝖜𝖔: Pleasing a storm
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕿𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊: Journey to the Inner Peace
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕺𝖓𝖊
After
After he showed part one of the story to her, she seem to understand everything.
She was well aware of how much he loved her.
His feelings were going to end for the third time (Oct 2020, Jan and July 2021) but he never stopped concerned about her well-being. He always reminds her of how to have a healthy routine and lifestyle. Maybe that’s just love.
When his feelings begin to fade, there will always be something that makes him worry about her, and his love rekindled again.
One of the rekindled example is when she became sick during the COVID19 pandemic and she was going for a coronavirus test he started to be concerned about her at the same time praying for her.
Sometimes he felt as if he had moved on from her just to fall in love with her again the next day.
Lockdown started during the pandemic she started feeling low, although she never shares all these easily. When he saw that she was having an awful day, he became quite sad for her.
The boy couldn’t stop himself from watching out for her since she is unconcerned about her unhealthy sleeping habits and falling behind in her academics. As her friend, he did his best to guide her on the right path.
The boy always wanted the best for her.
He tried to cheer her up by making her laugh and cracking jokes since she might refuse to meet him in person because of their awkward past.
She seems very happy during their COVID19 lockdown conversation.
Her passion for studying may have vanished.
However, he never stops encouraging her and at last, it finally worked.
She started doing classes and he endeavoured to check on her if everything going well and if she needed anything.
After their first conflict in April 2020, she reluctant wanted to take help from him. He still assists her even though she does not ask for it.
Because he always wanted the best for her.
He used to always tag her on social media with crucial news and health tips. She never replied. One day, he received a react from a post in which he had tagged her, he thought it was her but when he opened it, it was someone else who has reacted.
She usually overthinks things, such as when he tells her “I hope you’ll do better than me”. She responded that she wouldn’t mind if he did better instead, but that’s not what he meant at all. She didn’t realise how truly he cared for her.
She often misinterpreted his words; her responses were erratic. Her perspective was distorted that she would find malice behind the most innocuous texts, this was the most significant cause of their disagreements.
She lacked self-awareness, but she tried every possible way to demonstrate to him that she had no feelings for him.
It was just him who loved her a lot and got stuck in one-sided love. His feelings for her had lasted so long that he wished to put an end to them long ago.
She constantly ignored emotional conversations and never attempted to help him emotionally; perhaps she didn’t want to arouse his feelings. But she has always been there for non-emotional assistance and he appreciates every effort, no matter how big or tiny.
He misses the old her, not when she acts like a stranger.
His messages are usually so long, and her responses are always so short, in other words, dry texting.
Sometimes she also texts him first, but it appears that she is unsure how to initiate a conversation. Perhaps she felt awkward because of their past.
He shares his secret with her because he trusts her the most.
They had their big and small fights. Conflict in friendship is inevitable but it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.
Conflict can be very healthy. It creates a positive change for them. It increases awareness of problems that exist and provides a reason for finding a better way forward. When conflict is valued it encourages an environment where change is seen as positive, a way of making things better.
He thinks about how is her day going and he realised he had never missed someone as much as he missed her.
He is afraid of getting athazagoraphobia on her.
He never thought he would fall in love with someone so deeply.
He generally thinks about her too much since she previously claimed she feels awful when she is alone during the pandemic self-isolation. He wonders how she is now, whether she is smiling, is she fine, and how her day is proceeding.
As time passed, he became more aware of when he was in love and when he was not.
When people argue that love is nothing more than liking someone, they should either move on or find another. No, love is more than simply loving someone; it is about sacrificing yourself for someone you care about.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕿𝖜𝖔
Pleasing a storm
The bond of their friendship grew stronger, after a year of his proposal. He felt he could share anything with her, but it was one-sided because she does not regard him as her best friend in the same way he does.
Love, whether platonic or passionate, strengthens their friendship.
Falling in love wasn’t easy for him because he wanted to fall in love with someone with whom he could spend the rest of his life.
As a shy guy, being teased by girls makes him feel uncomfortable as it makes him blush even more. But with her, it was different, he had actually fallen in love with her, and she was his first love.
He eagerly awaits her late replies and he’s always the one who makes an effort. When he doesn’t, the friendship shatters.
When she discovered that the boy still has affection for her, her entire demeanour changed.
When she angered him, he always attempted to conceal his emotions by being silent and not expressing himself, and she did the same.
But as she kept doing what he didn’t like, he couldn’t suppress his emotions any longer, and the quarrel began.
When the conflict erupted, she unliked the only photo of him she liked before and his business page.
She doesn’t know how he feels when she does some of the things, even if it was trivial matters it might hurt him such as deleting their conversation without opening it.
When sadness comes, he cries on the inside but this time when he told her “…I literally cried”. He eventually did and tears welled up in his eyes.
When the boy’s stress level is incredibly high and having a panic attack, he texted her and she ignored him.
The boy was aware that there might come a time when his messages would be listed as viewed forever with no reply.
He was being ignored by his favourite person then he questioned her, “Do you care about me?” and was promptly ignored again; it made him look so pathetic. He wondered if she cared about him but judging by her actions in the past, the answer is already visible.
Words are only words, but action reveals the reality.
Love was like a drug to him. Even when he realised that she didn’t really care or didn’t feel the same way for him, he still found it tough to get rid of his feelings. She was his first love and first love takes longer to heal because, according to science, it leaves an imprint on the sensory areas of the brain.
She ignored him twice when he was emotionally drained, lonely, helpless, and when he needed her the most. From that moment he learnt that not everyone he likes or believes to be his closest will be there for him.
Every time when she notices that he needed emotional help from her, she tries to change the conversation or simply ignored him altogether. Apparently, she assumes he wants her attention, but the reality isn’t what she thinks.
The needier he becomes, the more desperate he appears and the more she ignores him.
His mistake was loving her too much.
He lost his self-respect.
Sometimes the boy wonders, “Who am I caring for? Is she my friend or just a random stranger? Who am I even concerned about when someone doesn’t even respect my time and puts no effort into anything”.
He stopped taking care of his health, quit exercising on a daily basis, and stopped eating properly. He appears helpless and sad.
Bad days truly make the entire body appear looks like an ill person.
He missed her a lot, and whenever this happens, he tries to control himself by doing things like keeping himself busy, but when none of these will distract him, he begins to tell her how much he misses her. He misses her even when he is preoccupied with university assignments or socialising with friends.
The boy told her “It’s hurt when you deleted our conversation without viewing it and letting me know… I’m telling you again, that you don’t have to hide your emotions… We aren’t some random stranger”.
After that she seemed to comprehend, but for the third time, she proceeded to act in the same manner. Then he stopped their daily conversations. It is not worth it to keep it flowing from only one side. So he chose to walk away.
He looked after her happiness more than his own.
The boy never begged for her love, never chased her, all he wanted was a decent friendship.
He felt empty on the inside when she’s not around him.
From a person who wasn’t interested in romance and rebuffed dates from others to someone who was stuck in an unrequited love.
He endured nearly a year of embarrassment, a year of missing her and tried to put an end to his feelings.
Every time he made an effort to resolve the issue between them.
Sometimes she makes mistakes unintentionally and he feels unpleasant without her knowing.
His biggest fear was not hearing from her ever again.
How could he love someone like this when the person never made an effort to make him happy? Perhaps, true love is something that cannot be expressed by words.
Love has the power to transform everything in a person, both positively and negatively. Positive influences bring you joy and happiness, while bad influences can drown you. When he fell in love for the first time, his world was turned upside down.
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕿𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊
Journey to the Inner Peace
Perhaps their friendship would come to an end after he confessed his love to her. But in their situation, their friendship remains, and he hopes she understands the things he finds difficult to express.
It haunted him every time when it reminded him of the proposal because it was the most embarrassing thing he had ever done throughout his whole life.
He wanted to achieve a good grade so he could study abroad and leave it all behind in order to thrive and live a peaceful life. Although he didn’t want to lose their friendship.
She is a nice girl who has never taken his love for granted.
She is quite friendly and elegant.
Sometimes she doesn’t always know what to say or how to handle a situation.
Some people chase the woman they love, while others, like this boy, were trapped in one-sided love and found it difficult to let go of his affections. But if you’re in the former category, you should realise by now that if you devote too much of your time and attention to a woman, you are just squandering your life. The finest advice is to invest in yourself because it will pay you back thousand times over.
The boy learnt how to control himself not to fall in love so easily.
He began to take steps to maintain his mental and physical well-being.
He started to contact those people who were there by his side and grew to appreciate them more.
He doesn’t rely on anyone in this world.
When half of the world is striving to be self-sufficient, it’s a pleasure to not have to rely on anyone for anything.
The pursuit of happiness begins with him, when he is grateful for what he has rather than seeking for what he lacks.
He started making new friends after those lonely days he have been through.
He began focusing his ambition and how he intends to attain it.
It makes him so delighted to reach inner peace, and it frees up his future for something greater to come along when he finally feels like he is moving on.
For the first time in his life, he began to set boundaries among people because this is how society functions.
He is fearless to try new things and start his new adventure.
Now is the time to take care of himself.
The journey continues.
This blog is about learning not to be emotionally attached with someone until you discover they reciprocate your feelings. Go where you will be appreciated, and your health and life will improve dramatically.
